ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize