I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I CAN MOONWALK!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
