My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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