I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
