I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
