I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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