I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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