I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize