I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
