when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
