I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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