I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
