no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
