can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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