He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I looked at my own cervix.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize