I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How does one acquire holy water?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
