Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
