Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
