"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
