running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
