My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
