Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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