I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
