i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
