im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who died my cat blue again?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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