Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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