we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
