It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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