It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
