The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
