even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
