ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
