Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
