my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
porn star boner night. come get it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize