DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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