You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize