so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
