Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
