I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
