He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
