I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize