Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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