We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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