Welp...herpes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
vagina is talking i cant
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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