he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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