lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
