I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
