Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
