Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
