Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
