omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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