So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize