Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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