Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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