I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
