I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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