This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
