it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
