Swine flu. Run for my life!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
