can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
