20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
