MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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