I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
