Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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