Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
